by Kurt Tucholsky
01/07/1929
When God wants to prove true favor, which he sent to the ...
Alice! Peter! Sonja! Sets time in the pocket here the luggage rack, no, there!
God, whether one's children to be good times!
Fritz eat, not now at all buns! You've just eaten, "
... in the wide world!
travel If you want to ask from the area in which you travel, everything: natural beauty, the comfort of the city, art-historical antiquities, cheap prices, sea, mountains - ie: the front, the Baltic and behind the Leipziger Strasse. If not available, then scold.
If you travel, take for God's sake, no consideration for your fellow passengers - They put you out as a weakness. You paid for - all the others go free. Note that it is of utmost importance if you have a window seat or not, that in the Non smoking compartment of a smoke, must be reported immediately and in the strongest terms - the guard is not there, then it takes the time being and let police, state and avenging Nemesis in one. It beautifies the trip. Was at all unpleasant - you can tell you the man
you order in the hotel room and best of you then elsewhere. Order from the room did not, that's what you do not need - but not soft.
Are you arrived at the hotel, so write your name with all titles one ... Have not got a title ... Sorry ... I mean, if one has no title, he is inventing one. Do not write: \u0026lt;> Kaufmann, write: \u0026lt;> General. This raises a lot. Go then under heavy door slamming in your room, give for God's sake, the maid, of which you ask a few things extra, a tip that the people perish; clean your dusty boots with a towel, a glass cast in half (say it but no , the hotelier has so many glasses!), and then repair to the walk through the strange city.
In the strange city you have to first of all to have everything just want to see how it is with you at home - the city that has not, she's no good. The people have to go right, the same phone as you have the same arrangement of the menu and the same privy. Otherwise you just look at the sights that are in Baedeker. Drive the mercy of everything your approach, which has a star in the travel guide - running blind pass from everything else, and above all, make ready look right. While walking through strange cities you with the best mountain short pants, a little green hat (with a shaving brush), heavy nailed boots (very suitable for museums), and a rough knotty stick. Roping only in cities of 500,000 inhabitants up.
If your wife falling over with fatigue, the right moment has come to climb a tower or on the town hall, if you're already in a foreign land, you have to take everything she has one. Blurring in the end you the details in mind, so you can proudly say I did it.
Do a cost estimate before you travel, on the penny exactly as possible for a hundred marks too low - you can always save. Indeed, by one acts everywhere, like, makes popular and cheers at all on the trip. Driving prefer another stump on as your budget allows, and bring the rest this one that you go on foot, where the car ride is pleasant, that you give too little tips, and you will see at all in every stranger a vulture. Forget it never the main rule of any healthy trip:
get angry!
Talk to your wife only by the small worries of everyday life. Koch once every care to whom you have had at home in the office, never ever forget that you have a job.
If you travel, making it the first thing you have to do after each arrival in a strange place: to write postcards. The cards you do not need to shop: the waiter well see that you want to have any. Illegible writing - That suggests a good mood. Write postcards everywhere: on the train, in the stalactite cave, the mountain peaks and fluctuate Kahn. Break the propelling or sliding it off and pour ink from the pen. Then scold.
The basic law of every trip is right: there must be something going on - and you have to \u0026lt;planning something>. Otherwise, the travel, no travel. Any relaxation of work and work is based is that you get a clear program does not make it but stops - you have not paused, give your wife's fault.
slowdown everywhere quiet country life, it's there, swear that nothing's going on. A decent Summer is in an accumulation of the same people you see in your home, and in a Gebirgsbar, an Ocean dancing and a wine department. Visit the like - but keep it up to your good, good clothes, shorts, tiny hat (see above). ! Look at you then in the space around and say, "Well, elegant it is not just" Do the others in a tuxedo, you say best: "Fatzkerei to take a tux on the journey" - you have to, but the others do not, make noise with your wife. Do at all with your wife's crash.
hurry through foreign cities and villages - where you not hanging out the tongue, have you planned wrong, is also the train that you have to reach even more important than a quiet evening hour. Quiet evening hours are nonsense, this one does not travel.
On the trip, everything must be something better than you have at home. Pushing the waiter is not well chilled bottle of wine with a look back, written in the stands: "If my house steward the wine to bring out of the cellar, he is released" Do always as if you were brought up to ...!
With the ridiculous in any case, locals say the same of politics, religion and war. Households with no bones in your opinion, tell me all plainly! Always give him! Speak up, so that one hears you - many foreign nations are already hard of hearing. If you will amuse you, then laugh, but loud enough to annoy the others, who know their stupidity in not what you are laughing. Do you speak foreign languages are not very good, then scream: we understand you better then.
Let not impress you.
Are you a number of men, it is good if you and high vantage points, some in full color sings. The nature has the like.
trade, insult. Get angry. And join operation.
